Statistics say that one in every 10 people are diagnosed with depression. If that is true then why do i feel so lonely in this world? Why do i feel that no one ever understands how i feel, my perspectives, my experiences?
Half way through highschool i was diagnosed with depression and bipolar mixed. God knows how long ive actually had it, but it kicked into full gear in the beginning of grade 11. had this one best friend in grade 10 that i thought i could trust with my life, i was wrong. I mentioned to her on several occasions that i am feeling depressed. Everyoen feels depressed at some point but the feeling goes away, not mine. I laughed like the rest of my friends i had some good times aswell. Nothing could compare to my feelings of saddness.
One particular day ended the friendship i valued the most. We went to the hospital for a seminar, we learned about teens drinking and driving or texting and driving. For someone who had just gotten my g1 it stuck with me much harder than anyone else. I felt my heart falling out of my butt. On the bus ride home i bite my lip as hard as i could to stop from crying. My saddness took over my brain, i couldnt look or talk to anyone not even my bestfriend. As much as i wanted to say at least “bye” i couldnt get my words out. Later when i get home i see my so called bestfriends BBm status. “I have the worst bestfriend in the world” Even though it was two years ago now it kills, i stoped being her friend i lost communiction with the group. I was completely alone.
My worst enemy became myself. I hated myself for trusting her, for feeling so sad all the time. For being so depressed. I knew it was my fault too. When i was sad all i wanted was a compliment to bring me up, so out loud id call myself fat, or stupid or ugly. I said it soo many times i began to believe it.
There wasnt a day that went by that i didnt think about my own death. If it wasnt for my boyfriend i would be dead today. He is my hero that saved my life more times than i have fingers.
Now that i am graduated i survived highschool i survived the darkness that i have been living in for two years. Although my doctor told me this is a lifetime battle i figured out the most effective weapon and that is self love.